preoccupied

I want, need to start meditating again. A few months ago I would meditate before bed most nights. I would get to a point where I could hear absolute silence, and the serenity that came with sounded so.. peaceful. Even though it took a lot of focus to get there, it was worth it. Now days even before I begin to meditate I become deaf with a constant ringing sensation in my ears!
Tinnitus? Whatever it is, I want it gone.
Meditation is one way that I keep sane and happy, and lifted. I feel grounded, and relaxed.

Sometimes I think that the ringing is from my preoccupied state with the reality I have chosen - lots of tv and other heavy distractions which distract me from myself. And the end result is just this ringing, the aftermath of muffled thought processes, or even replaced thought processes my mind picks up from the tv! Fuckin' TV.

While I haven't given it much effort, it's hard to not distract myself from contentment. Distractions are everywhere in this house, and how lovely they seem as they destroy the day. Wake up at 8 and play xbox and watch foxtel make lunch and do it some more, before you know it, the time is 8 at night and you have eaten a late dinner of baked beans on toast with a beer, and the day is gone. All I can hear is a discreet, sometimes overwhelming ringing pounding every inch of concentration I have. Better go to the doctors.