Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again...

I'm dropping back into it, I can feel it.

Every part of me is breaking nder the tension of my whole life right now.. I'm trying to be what I want to be, and live how I want to live, how i'm meant to live. Everything other than that hols me back, if anything it doesn't want me to do what I want. Why must it conflict? it's practically two different lives tearing at eachother, and I can't keep doing both, it's killing me so quickly.

I want to live the life of someone who can do what they want, I want to go out every day, I want to socialize, without worry of something else, I want to do so much more than what I am now. That life requires my own place, my own job. I have neither..

Because of school, and because of jobs.

I want to stay in so badly, because I need to pass year 12 for so many jobs, but it holds me back from just... living. I can't live with constrictions, especially ones that deprive me of so much money, so much social life. Parents hold me back so much more right now, if he wasn't so.. greedy.. and stubborn I wouldn't have this problem. Sure, maybe i'm lazy, but I don't help out because he treated me like shit because of something he did, and he wasn't giving me money for it anyway.

So here I am.. moneyless, and I was having such a good day, I even went to 2 different beaches... but no, dad has to be an utter prick and just ruin it all, resulting in me balling my eyes out like a stupid little girl and then smashing my head on stuff again.. fucking hell.

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turn my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never shared
No one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sound of silence