I thought i'd reinstate my hatred

To chicks that didn't lie to me, this isn't aimed at you, amy pissed me off so.. I thought she would like to read this fucking article one more time.

Chicks Suck…

Except at cooking, cleaning, and slobbering on my nuts. That’s right, bitch, get mad, I don’t give a shit. If you slags didn’t have a hole between your legs, your race would’ve died off eons ago.

You say “but Jim, if all the women were dead, how would you reproduce?” Simple. If you cunts were suddenly and collectively wiped out, we’d have more time to experiment with cloning and would create a master race of bad-asses in a laboratory capable of world-domination and global stability.

If all the chicks were history, the fucking homo-male would slowly die off as well. Think about how hard-core that would be. No more fucking “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”, no more Rupaul, no more Journey, and no more fucking Ben Affleck. It would be the “Old West” all over again, and it would kick ass.

Swift justice would prevail. None of this “three strikes and you’re out” shit. No fucking probationary period. You fuck up and it’s straight to the firing squad.

We can’t forget about the little things, either. Men would suddenly have hot water to take a shower and shave with. In fact, we’d have the bathroom for more than 3 minutes at a time. One would venture to say that we could even have a little time to jerk off in there. Oh man, that would be so awesome.

Men would also never be forced into your fad diets. There would be three food groups: The Chicken Wing Group, The Cheese Group, and the Booze Group. Lettuce would be banned, as would anything soy. Owning a skim milk production facility would be grounds for immediate death. And no more of these two hundred word essays on every carton displaying the fucking nutritional content of everything from a taco to a tic-tac. The label would contain two things: Brand name and alcohol content.

I would be happy to say that there would also be no more “Romantic Comedies”. Holy shit, do I hate these fucking nightmares. Say goodbye to anything with J-Lo, Ben Stiller, or the words “The Wedding ___fill in blank__-er”. There would only be movies with zombies, men with chainsaws, midgets or chainsaw-toting zombie midgets.

And let’s not leave out that there would no longer be this fascination with kids. That shit would promptly be replaced with a fascination of 1971 Dodge Chargers. No more of this coddling bullshit. Kids would be raised in labs until their 12th birthdays when they immediately would be introduced to their fucking employers and ten-hour shifts. Toys would be eliminated. They would be replaced with carburetors. From birth (or should I say from genetic conception in a laboratory) children would only be allowed to toy with the fuel intake systems of pre-1980’s vehicles (unless they requested to tinker with the exhaust or transmission).

We would keep a few of you sluts around, though. The requirements for being a woman in this testosterone paradise are as follows: You must have no smaller than a double-D cup. You have a B? Tough shit, bitch, hit the fucking bricks. Your waist must be no larger than 25 inches. 25.0009 and you can get bent. You must also have your larynx removed, in an effort to eliminate any chance of hearing your dumb ass speak. Lastly, your employment in Man-Land will be limited to cooking, cleaning, automotive repair, sucking cock, or all of the above. No more of these god damned “Working Women’s Survival” shows. You want to live? You’d better find your way to the kitchen or the bedroom and shut your fucking mouth about it.

Man-Land would kick ass. Women are collectively fucking up our society with their aerobics and coffeehouses. I know some of you dykes will argue that you’d fit in, but just wearing flannel isn’t good enough. You have to know WHY you’re wearing it.

You know what the difference is between women and men? Nevermind, bitch, just go get me another beer.