Getting Impatient...

I hate to say this, I hate feeling it. Feeling this probably makes me one of the most sick minded people in the world..

I'm getting impatient with my mother...

getting impatient for her to die. I'm getting sick of her still being here..

everyone keeps asking me how she is and all that kinda bullshit, and shes pretty much the same as before, and it's really getting into my skull, like god is playing some aweful trick to her and me, leaving her here poisoned for as long as he can.

why won't she just die?

fuck.. it's so cruel but it's how I feel, this cancer bullshit has gone on for nearly 8 years. it's a constant struggle for her to be here, sure, if she didn't have cancer at all I wouldn't be thinking the way I do, but it's just been like this for so long, makes me wonder sometimes if she even has cancer.

I hate watching my mum come in and out of hospital, getting sick then suddenly getting better, then really sick, then really good.. I just want it to be over and done with so I can get on with my life and everyone can stop bugging me about it.

It's not like I hate her or anything, she wasn't the best mum either.. me wanting this to be over isnt cause of hate, it's purely because it's been going on for so long.