Stupid..

Ouch! my blood pumping organ!!!

Stupid dickhead, you won't get anywhere thinking like that!
So I asked myself.. where am I even trying to go?
And if I wasn't attempting to go there, where else could I go?
Is that place even advertising?
Do I want anything else? Is it wrong of me not to?
And I want to stay, just to make sure I get hurt.

Even if i'm not there to hear it, I will somehow, and will that even make a difference?
Ugh, the goddess of addiction and temptation plays her harp loud im my ears.
And she is mighty powerful, and sounds so sweet..
I wan't this hurt to end, so what do I give up?
I am that scared and hurt that I cannot even see what it is I need to give up.
Or maybe it's plain and simple, and I know what it is.
That makes it just as hard. Now I understand how hard it can be for her to forigve.
If someone doesn't know how then it's even harder to realise just how simple it really is.
In my own case, I need to give her up. She took on something within me that wasn't complete. Which part i'm not sure, but I need to give that incompleteness up also.

Even then, I still really don't know.

I want I want I want I want...
I need... I desire. I crave..

Leave me be you devilish bastard!
Ohhh you are really loving this aren't you! Have some more punishment

I read a book about addiction and rehab, and the author describes these vivid dreams of having these drugs, and using them in the dream.
Never have I experienced a dream like this, until a few weeks ago.
IT WASN'T FUCKING DRUGS!
Holy fucking shit, it wasn't a drug!
BUT DAMN
It felt pretty damn good.

I let babadi awaken the evil in my heart and it feels pretty good , I wanted things to be like they used to. This is our fate. OUR BATTLE!

I'm not going to hell by myself, I'M TAKING YOU WITH ME!

sdThe goal is clearly marked, and it shines brightly.
Theres just one.. problem...
THERES A FUCKING BRICK WALL IN THE WAY! AND I REFUSE TO WALK AROUND THE FUCKING THING! ID RATHER JUST ASK IT TO MOVE!

And it never will. It's a fucking brick wall.