Better days

No longer is it the stress of study, the lessened amount of cash in my pocket or the health of my body. Those things have become somewhat grounded; put into perspective, or at least in retrospective. They are progressively becoming better the more I practice. Study especially, I've started learning how to maximize what I take note of during lectures, therefore the less I have to take out of a book later on, which takes far longer as the experience itself of taking notes from a book is somewhat less interesting than listening to a very excited and bouncy lecturer who can't resist boasting the similarity between the body, and the way it acts with the way we work in society. Which, itself is rather hilarious.. you can contrast anything with social interactions and constructs, if you're good enough.

I don't have much worry for money anymore, while I do owe the odd Joe a couple of bucks that is all I need to worry about, for now. My student allowance is beginning to flow and then I can start giving my father squatting allowance, I probably cost him a lot, and I'm not ready to move out just yet. I want to prove to him that I can live here with these people, being my sister and step mother In harmony. If I leave here and it's still a mess then not only will my mind be a mess, this place, will be, still a mess.
So yep, I don't owe any mass corporation a great deal of money anymore, and never will again.

Health too, because of my study I have a greater field of knowledge about when it comes to what I eat, and have been changing my diet to match my age and size. It is not yet what I want it to be, however by limiting my intake of the shit I used to eat, then I will start to get hungry, and eat something healthier instead.

Having all this accomplished leaves just one particular pile of shit that remains..

Regression.
I go in and out of states of pure excitement, inspiration and enthusiasm frequently, more less in the past times. Sometimes I regress so far into a dull memory that my vision becomes so clouded, to the extent of a headache, or even a flu infection or virus becomes strengthened and encompasses my body and mind.. making it take weeks to become clear headed again.
When I talk about regression, I mean that I revert to a particular thought or idea about myself that isn't actually something I really need at the time, in fact I hate it. Somehow it's become an automatic response to when I feel I need it I guess. Somehow there isn't enough willpower to surge forward and leave that particular thought of unhappiness behind and I keep reverting to it's jealousy and anger. So far, out of all the self development work I have done it has not yet gone deep enough to rip the roots out.

So that's my next step; Get to the bottom of what causes this annoying regressive state in-which I become something I'm really not.