thoughts.

The government is trying to kill off the happiest people in the world.

The new age scene for the hippy, in my eyes is the ravers group, these people have a better understanding about how life works than any other fuckstick in government, they forget about emotions of the people who have to live with their rules. There is no freedom in this place anymore. The drug and hippy scene has taken such a beating that some of us never make it to adult hood, why? because they are restricted, they never find out who they are because the options just arent there anymore.

I suppose we can't blame the government for everything, whilst they are downright fucking idiots, they aren't the real reason why this is all happening. It's those who ruin the scene, ones who are too selfish to think about what theyre destroying.

fuck. its so hard to concentrate now because of these rules. I know a lot about how the world works but I too was a victim. I came into the drug world to fuck it up, I was only in it for the drugs, but people in my life who have come and gone taught me lessons without me actually realing at the time, but now that some of them have gone I learnt from them.

There are two types of people in this world, one can make themselves feel comfortable with their surroundings and be constantly interacting with life automatically. The other doesn't, whilst they still do interact with their surroundings they have a different feature, the sub concious. Everyone has it, only some learn about it.

When one learns of this concept, one must learn how to become comfortable in that zone. Some never manage to because the only feeling they have ever felt in their subconcious is depression. Buddhism teaches of this, and it teaches of becoming happy in this zone. In-which, there are many ways to find that enlightenment. Those ways are right in front of you, everything major thing in life has a lesson to teach you, all you need to do is figure out what it is, and then act upon it.

The year of 2008 has been fucking terrible for me, the year I turn 18, and technically become adult, although maturity has no exact time for everyone when it kicks in, you'll notice the change. In this foul time, I have lost 3 family members, each of which were unique in different ways. The first was my mother, Until her death I never realised so many things she used to tell me, and the way she acted about things. I could never understand how HAPPY she could be when she has been staring death in the face for 8 years. In-fact, I think it was all an act. She never found her place in life, so instead she chose to teach what she knew best. English. in the year 2004, she sat next to me and told me about her life growing up, how my nan and grandfather treated eachother, and how they treated her, which shaped who she was. back to the point of this.. she never found happiness in her subconcious.

The question I kept rolling over in my head was, what was it she was missing? fuck, if I had the same energy back then as I do now, she might still be alive.
fuck, my mind keeps fucking jumping.

ah yes, I came to my mothers way of thinking a while after her death, it was actually a few weeks ago, it was drug induced. When my second pill peaked, I had reached enlightenment. Standing in the centre of the rise, the music was pounding a great trancy tune whilst I became one with it and everyone else around me. This was when I realised, my mum was like this, she had this extra add on in her brain that made her feel like this. Normal people can't act this, never can and never will.

That same night I met hannah.. the short girl in a tutu who began dancing with my good mates mother. After the peak I was dwelling in the emotion of it all, I could tell hannah was feeling the same, with the way she moved, so we danced and she said to me "you can feel this too, cant you? I can see it in youre face", all I could do was smile.

Some people never touch this feeling, and for all of their lives they have a confused feeling that something is missing, they don't know what it is, and it depresses them. And thus, they never know what happiness is. Ecstacy was invented for cureing depression, I believe that this was right, and that it shouldn't be illegal, but to those who never learn to control it without the drug should be shot and never been given the drug in the first place.