Trance energy, and.. whats new

Just... Wow.
Trance energy was epic. INSANELY epic. It was the first festival type gig I have been to. Man, am I going to be going to more of these.
All the crowd had big smiles on their faces, didn't get a single bad vibe, except for a couple random pom/scots guys after pills, and they didn't make sense when they asked me.

My main objective for this weekend was to sell my stuff, which started at the rise on saturday night, and I had hoped to sell them all so I didn't have to worry about them so much the next day. The funny thing is, I had a better time overall with something to keep me occupied. Also helped me get into the moment more, cause there was more in it for me, and made me realise more what I've been missing for a while.
I haven't been "cured" by any event this weekend, and far from it. But, I think the more I get into the moment, the better.
I went to trance with kenny, kat, chey and jess. Tim and dopey joined us later in the day. We arrived at around 12.30, on arrival I found some of the guys I used to play softball with, and they were all wearing jumpsuits!
At the entrance, they had a sniffer dog bolting around, which panicked me muchly, as I had enough narcotics on me to be sent to prison, luckily, it ran right past me and jumped some other sucker.
I was mostly dancing and drinking, as I'm not the biggest socialist, everytime I went and sat with my companions id have people randomly asking me for flips. I sold out within hours of being there. I also saw some friends I hadn't seen in a while, Jordan, softball guys, some pretty rave girls, etc.. can't remember names.
I remember marco v, and the 2 sets after his at same stage, simon patterson, the 2 before and 2 after his, those were the most epic. I would be dancing uncontrollably, probably looking like the biggest retard, spinning and twirling my invisible air-goo around, but fuck it, everyone else looked retarded anyways. Which sprung an idea, I've heard the quote "dancing is the outer expression of the soul" and made me think.. if people do fully loose control and dance how they feel, its expressing who they really are - how they interperate their feelings/soul, most people looked happily fucked/silly which made me laugh.
With me, I observe with wonder, at my worst with unhappiness, but I think and defrag it in so many ways, which is why i think I like to use the ball/goo that i can feel in my arms and hands. If im not doing that then its just jigging, floating.. which i love.

So I managed to sell everything, including what I had left over from last weekend. Made myself a lot more comfy, as I can afford things now, but with dealing I also learnt how to manage my money better, instead of blowing it every single weekend.

I might be starting a temp job tomorrow with scott, it worries me, because I have to walk almost 2k's there, as I am not mentally prepared for working, im fucking not PHYSICALLY prepared either! I loved working with my uncle in freo, it made me strong and fit. Working with ansaldo, it kept my mind fit for a while.. but eventually everything slowed, and I got weaker. so much weaker. It's gunna be such a strain. But I must meet it head on, especially if I want to get anywhere in life.

I learnt how powerful I can make myself appear to be.. I have done this before. But this time, I managed to be smarter about it, and could backup what I thought. Also, how I keep worrying about my social level.. while ive had many theories, and some, or most, or all are right, Proving those theories does nothing but.. well prove it, just knowing things doesnt make anything better. You must actually WORK towards it, and CHANGE it for youreself, over time. Being real smart or real strong, or real anything, you must practice, The things you think you are smart or strong in when youre younger is youre natural talent, when you become older you lose the talent you have, because it wasn't real, it was just youre natural feel, but once youve felt, you can relearn, train youreself again, and you find that you can become much better at whatever it was you were good at before.

What I was good at before? well, i used to be good at video games.. but they arent real in themselves, you can be good at them, but its useless imo. I had great interest in martial arts. And I figure if i wasnt inturrupted with dalwalinu so long ago, I might have continued with training. Because I lost it so long ago I didn't feel my natural talent fully, so it's harder to remember. So i must start again at square 1.
another thing was bmx.. another option.

So, wish me luck with tomorrow. I'll fucking need it.