I really am

fuckin bored.
of everything, and i'm that egotistic il blame it on all of you!
Almost no-one can entertain me, but whos fault is it?

I think, I should stop kidding myself.

It's so hard to express, how I feel. Now days, I can't even remember what it's like to feel.
I can't adapt to the society around me. I can't control how things influence me.
Or I can, and just don't control it properly.

I was telling my friend C, about my theory on how most friendships in the group run.
Most of us, if paired, are like 2 monkeys argueing over how to fix a machine, Neither monkey knows how to fix it, but we are damn sure we do, the other monkey is wrong, thus arguements happen.
I see it happen, we make certain comments about the conversation at hand, and it really is not respectful.
The machine, is the friendship. Both monkeys wan't to fix it, but in reality, both of them are that dumb (they're monkeys working on a complex machine) and don't know what they're doing, thus, blame eachother, and, still being dumb, don't even notice!!!
The monkeys try to communicate, but theres no connection, the wrong messages get sent due to each monkey not trusting what they say, and not trusting what their perception of what they have said, and treat it one of 2 ways, ignorance, or make themselves bigger to make sure they are safe.
Eventually.. the monkey(s) suffer symptoms from not being able to do anything about the exsisting problems. Myself (being one of the more sicker monkeys...) have suffered quite a lot, I really am stupid when it comes to it. I am thankful though, at the amount of insight I have.
The monkeys want to grow up, evolve into humans. Or, better yet, become human once again. The ways of going about it, are simple, maybe they all thought of it at some stage, but just left it, and never bothered.
We need to break our bonds, and seek some god damn help. Come back later, and if we still want to fix our machines, then we can do so.. I think maybe, some of us wont.
Once at human level, we will be FREE-ER! Trusting that we can learn how to keep our minds and not lose them again, The only way we will go is up, forward, with our personal development.
Maybe even access the higher states of conciousness.
I believe we are tied together so badly because we got addicted to one another, much like the drugs we were smoking at the time. Addicted to eachother, and to the way we reacted. Which was fine for the time being, but time has passed, and it's time to MOVE ON, we were young, we had always acted young for our age, Too young, and too unguided to take drugs, that would further alter the unknown, and without our knowledge, change the way we think. Years have passed since then, and not much has actually changed, people have gotten smarter, more sociable, while we are still fucking around with trying to fix a machine we don't know how to fix.

Stupid monkeys.. we didn't evolve yet, we will, but continueing like this, we will die before we do. I remember my mums only wish was to live to see me grow up, not in a bad sense, but so she could see the success and happiness of her children.. and while she has passed away, her spirit lives on, and she knows that so far, I haven't succeeded, I do not want to fail her, for both our souls.