Sleep is out of the question

I feel so much more clear now that I'm off lexapro and for a little while I was fine.
Until I created a giant shit.
And everyone smells shit in the air...

Need some creative suppliments to reboot and rewind.
Rave is no longer happening, but there is a good party I can go to.
If only I could feel a little better.

I keep bugging myself as to why people are such fucking twits.
None of them really listen to anything I say.
Just reading that makes me want to gut myself and throw the rest of my body off a cliff.
Next comes the pitiful game of "Im gunna make myself look like some kind of twat to make you listen" which in turn annoys people, as they realise how pathetic you sound.
Only to me it sounds..
well yeah pathetic.
Only then you proceed to start blaming youreself for not getting it right. Not playing the game correctly, you arent winning the love of others!
The problem isn't out there, but it's inside.
At first the issue is very relativly internal, this isn't for very long.
Quickly something jumps or some drama becomes an issue, and becomes external.
So now the game is shown to others; this person has an issue and they're unaware!

My hurt and pain was internalized. I hadn't actually found where it was coming from before I snapped and started blaming it on others, becoming angry, jelous and insecure.
So now I have hurt people, hurt myself, and created a drama/game that we all have to work our way out of.

Now we all have to work on accepting and moving on, and no one is good at that. Especially this weird little herd of ours.
I think I was full of shit when I said I have done everything I can to fix what I fucked, because I still have a whole lifetime to make our bonds stress free.
I can't if the people involved don't wanna fix it. I just hope she does.

And I really hope that other people stay out of it.
It's not you're issue, all you do is get youreself involved and make things worse.
Don't burn what tree's remain!!!