More stress less..

I'm finding recently that I haven't been playing my part as well as I want.
And I backtrack in time, in thoughts and events to see if I can discover which particular story is affecting my power and well-being, to see if I can disintegrate it.
And then I look at now, what I'm actually doing to make my future work the way I want it to. Things I can do now that will make everything else easier in the years to come.

I left my job at RTS, due to not being able to handle Donkey in the situation that he would abuse me. And I let him, I took it on and it wasn't pleasant.
This is not fixing..
Any attempt to rectify the situation has gone astray in the sense that neither of us got something out of it. I guess I haven't given myself time to really let him know how I felt.

Starting my night fill job at IGA has been somewhat eye opening, in the sense that I didn't realise it would take about 20 people to fill stock. Then I realised how many useless items there are. Useless as in most products are just to make money and make every ones life more lazy. That's what a super market seems to specialize in.. make life lazier.
On the plus side I work with another bunch of usual nice people.. just there to work and have some fun while they are at it. Talk shit.. maybe throw a few fun insults..
With this simplicity I always see myself above or below the social unity in such places, which itself is kinda pointless.
I find that I end up concentrating too hard on "getting it right" rather than simply listening and remembering where the items go. Actually filling the stock and making it all look awesome is child's work, however.. having a trolley full of stuff it becomes a challenge to find where it all goes in the 15 or-so isles that live in the store.
It's only my second night, perhaps I'm being a little too critical on my behaviour. I keep catching myself making mistakes and every time I do I just pretend it isn't happening, or say.. ignore the fact and keep feeling confused and lost.
I end up acting like I'm failing everyone in which is definitely not okay with me.

I haven't hit rock bottom with these people yet, however if I give it a week of the same crap I usually do, then I surely will hit the bottom, and that's a place I would prefer not to be. It's dark and dangerous at the rocky bottom, and more so to find the safe route for freedom.

The solution is to calm down. Connect with everyone is a must, many benefits come from being free with the people you work with. Asking empowering questions is one of the best way's of bonding. Thus, if I am bonded with every person there, then the feelings of shame and failure will not be present, because even If I did get lost or not know where to put shit, then not only will I be able to ask someone, the slowness itself will not be present, I will be present to success instead of failure. The fail may be there but I won't be present to it.