Trust.

I wrote on here about the last doof I went to. It wasn't a pleasant experience.
The last bit, I have been thinking about more, because I recently had a flashback to it.
I was literally losing my mind, I was so confused and it was irritating me so much it was painful, and it was dead obvious to the people there (Cheyanne, Kat, Tim and Sally).

I flashbacked to how I was looking to Kat, Chey and Tim, I remember wishing that they would DO SOMETHING, anything, to stop the horrid disturbance I was feeling. I remember noticing how they all acted with my craziness, Kat appeared to know what was happening, but only wanted to protect herself, thereby meaning she can't control the way things influence her. Also looked like she resented the way I was acting, even though she probably knew what it's like to be in that kind of state.
Cheyanne didn't do anything at all, She was coming down from dexies, and obviously felt way more horrible than usual, probably cause I was going nutto, and didn't know anything about the state I was in. I can't hold much against her for that event in paticular.. but she knew I wasn't myself.. and didn't offer any help. And complained heaps, which made me feel so much worse.
Tim was his usual self, just trying to keep the communication going, no matter the cost, even if he has to look like a dick, for that I think he is a dick, but respect him for the fact he tries.

There was a lot of bad noise, and every now and then I would walk out the front and sit there for a while, then return.
I was supposed to take Kat and Chey home (They expect me to take them home if I take them out somewhere, almost never return favours), I knew I could drive, but they didn't trust me cause of my state. I had driven THE WHOLE WAY BACK from the doof in this state, and Kat had the nerve to tell me I was too fucked. Gee, she must have wanted to make matters worse, because it definatly fucking did.
The girls were outside for a while and me and Tim had a chat, he knew I was in a bad state, and he told me some of the things I was thinking. About how they expected me to do things for them etc, and said something that now I remember it, makes me know he is respectful, "You aren't in the wrong here".
Damn right I wasn't. I was more calm knowing Tim thought the same thing. After a while the girls called up tim-no-dreds (cheyanne in paticular gets a lot of favours..) and he came to pick them up. I stayed at tims until the next morning, but after they left, the amount of pressure that came off me was nuts! I felt so much more relaxed and unworryful.
Think about it, it shouldn't be hard for friends to tell eachother that things will be fine in those kinds of conditions.

This is just an example of how certain people in my friendship "group" don't respect, or acknowledge one another, purely because they're so fucking paranoid and/or megalomanic. I may be no better with other people in the group, but between all of us, I have done the most asking of myself how to fix it all. How to fix the machine..

"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part, you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies on the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop! And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!" -
The Movies Over - Cog