Being a fool

For a while now I have craved to not be a fool, to be smart, awesome, and liked by all. I thought that being an idiot, or a fool, was not to be found within for those people.
Well, despite how I thought I was incredly smart and awesome, I wasn't, and still i'm not that great, In order to become someone like that, I have to make many mistakes, which include making a fool of myself infront of the people I respect most.

The first time I did this was at burning van, when I took an abundancy of drugs and I spoke jibberish when I probably should have spoken something awesome, especially for the amount of drugs I was on.
But no, those people gave me strange looks, yet somehow I didn't care that much. At that stage I was right into the LSD and mescaline, my ego had made itself very known and yet, I didn't care, it was there, and everyone could see it for the fool it is, I was so high, I just didn't mind that much.
Since then I have made a few silly choices that have put me into the same posistion I didn't want, because I want to be with those people, experiencing life FULLY for the awesome that it is, and not being in a silly state of mind, trying to chase certain idea's that aren't mine, and just wishing to be as good as other people are.
Such inner strength comes from a lot of mistakes, mistakes that have to be made for me to learn why they are mistakes, as much as I don't want to deal with the consequences, I must.
Recently I think that I made a silly post on a forum, after posting it and looking later, I realised how silly it was, and I fretted over the fact that these people that I look to for companionship, and sometimes happiness, were now looking at me like a complete idiot.
After thought, I decided to try and rephrase what I said to mean what I had intended it to, and hopefully I actually am sounded like I want to be rather than as if i'm grasping for some kind of attention.

In other news.. my car broke down last night before I had to pick up Cheyanne from the airport, luckily I had my brother around the corner, who aided me in such a silly time, so everything went fine in the end, and warranty will cover the car (it better, I don't have the cash to pay for anything at the moment!)
Adios.