Risperidone

My life is much like that of a very powerful battery. When you look at any kind of battery, you will find that one side has a plus, one has a negative, and theres a big space inbetween, with a line, and a halfway point.
Each life has a plus, and a negative, and an in-between, and the strength of each side differs depending on which side has more focus on it.

Right now, I'm just starting to recover from a horrible flu I caught at last weeks rave, insomniak.
It was fucking awesome, but not quite worth the pain and suffering I have been through this whole week. The weeks prior to this rave we're also full of rave, and other fun activities.
I believe I made my whole body short-circuit.
I had been running on 100% for weeks on end, it's to be expected that I would eventually run out of gas.
It just sucks that when I did run out of energy that i'd catch this motherfucker.
My body was already weak, so it has no more energy to put into actually fighting the virus/infection, and I did suffer.

Anyways. Recently I have been thinking about other people, I know that I have been paranoid of things in the past, but recently I have wondered more on other peoples judgement, and my own. Since I have started taking Risperidone, I have begun to notice a change in myself, and with that I have been more able to contribute into things a little differently than I used to.
This drug makes me feel more connected, instead of being so lost within myself.
I always got paranoid about what people thought of me, now that I observe it more closely, I noticed that when I was paranoid, people could see that I looked edgy, or disconnected, and we're forced to treat me as such, you can't treat a happy person with saddness, vice versa.. just as you can't treat a person who is paranoid with respect.
It's not their job to fix another up, it'll use their energy and time they could be using on having fun.

Funnily enough, with the Risperidone, I still get the edgy paranoia, but it's not so severe, I was out last night with a friend and his mrs, whilst conversing I noticed how much more impact I was making with what I said, and how it made the conversation flow. I wasn't actually being skeptic at the time, more just noticing how it went, but not really focusing on it as an object, watching it in the background every now and then while I continued to converse.
Risperidone, is the anti-psychotic I have been perscribed by the minion of some evil psychiatrist.. or a counsellor that works with one of those people. Either way, she asked the psych for a small dose (0.5mg) for me to have until I could actually see him, as the doctor is a busy one.
I kinda want it to be a larger dose, because I have also noticed that the effect I like so much doesn't last very long, 1 or 2, maybe 3 hours at the most. Maybe it's too soon to tell, or hopefully the more I take it the duration will last longer.
Other effects have included dizzyness, laughter, confusion and sleepyness.
The dizzyness makes me laugh, because it makes me stumble when I get up or have to quickly move for something. I don't feel like I am dizzy or anything, but my body just reacts stupidly, like a drunken idiot, but these dizzy spells only happen once or twice every day, after I take my daily dose, this also makes me feel like I have had a hot flush.

So, amongst having that once a day in the evening, I'm also taking 3 antibiotics daily, 4 ear drops daily, 4 powerful immune boosters a day, and, whenever the headaches, ear aches, or body aches get bad, strong doses of codeine. This is why I feel pretty high right about now ;)
While it feels good, my friends are out partying while I am stuck here, Some of them tried to convince me, but I had to decline, I have been sick since monday, and refuse to make it worse!
Cheyanne is in melbourne until Monday, I hope to be well by then.
I bid thee goodight! peace to all.