family trust.. again

I have been told I was wrong about my previous post on this, so I'm sorry.
I wrote what I believed I heard.

My personal life involves my family, so my own life is jeprodised by other family members being idiots.
After giving a little thought, as much is not needed for this, I decided that I shouldn't trust any of my family, because they know no better than me. I should believe in my own feelings and my own instinct, and senses.
Those are mine, not someone else's.
So maybe I heard wrong, but whatever the other story was I don't really care anymore. Not because I don't care about those involved, more because I feel that those people have their stories mixed up as well.
If my own senses cannot be trusted, why should I trust theirs?
I'm sick of being the baby of the family, the one that has everything held back from because idiotic elders of the family believe it will hurt my ears.
Merely doing that is probably the reason why I had such a rough time before.

This family has shown me nothing but cowardice, guilt, fear and unhappiness, I set this up so maybe I could find a way to break this pattern. Whatever may have happened in the past is effecting my own life, the peoples I care most about lives, and the future lives to come.

I believe that my whole family has a lot of shit locked up, and that we have some sort've mechanism that allowes us to take that negative shit out on other people with words and expressions. This renders the other participant to be confused, and unhappy.
Thats the only thing thats ever bothered me. It's whatever is behind that, which makes me and everyone else who they are now.
People tell me I'm paranoid, confused, anxious, depressed, or even psychotic. Others tell me I'm fine, happy and interesting.
The more and more each side tries to get me over to that side, the more I disagree, because, in the end, they don't even trust their own judgement. They trust in whatever has been told.
Both sides of my family should fuck off out of my life, because their help does nothing but make me dig deeper into an endless hole, and the only things that have gotten me out have been my own independent ideas and choices, others ideas, beliefs, and choices, have done nothing but done them wrong, and it gets taken out on people like me, people who weren't raised with enough strength to conjure up lots of good ideas.

I envy those who are smart, brave, confident and always similing, succeeding in everything they go for. Not that I don't succeed, but those people who get it right every time, always on the ball and only in their weakest of times are able to get back out of it, and get back into their awesomeness.
I have succeeded, just not in the way I was taught. Theres so much more out there, things no one will comprehend, and thus don't want to hear about it. People are Fearful of what they don't know, until they face it. Each person has their own conciousness, own ideas, their own good and bad, I know where my strengths lie.
I lost my licence today, im sick as all fuck, ended up driving for 5 hours straight because I was sick, and not concentrating enough to know which way was which, and I have a family full of lunatics.
I have great friends, and know many great people, people that will make differences in many peoples lives.
I should trust the best of them, and myself, then maybe I can get out of this stinkhole some cunt in my family, or in some relation to my family created.

And also, for those who haven't been with me for the past month or so...
Lost my fulltime job, got a part time job, which isn't enough.
I have taken more drugs than I have told anyone, against their advice, and I fucking loved it.
I am also getting the anti-psychotics.
I got my car up to 215km's, whilst under the influence of alcohol.
The only bad thing about that was the useage of petrol.