Why do I feel this way?

Depression.
After burning van I felt alive, with new sense of direction, I wasn't going anywhere in paticular, I just knew I had momentum, and with that I have learned so much about myself, and others. The momentum felt awesome, for a while.
So, why so blue now?
Could it be because of the procrastionation? lazy piece of shit. Over an hour ago I had an argument with myself whether I should go to tafe tonight.
I really should have, considering I really don't have any real reason not to.
Just general feelings of energy depletion, anxiety, and helplessness.
But, why?
There's millions of reasons, dead mother, idiot father, fuckhead stepdad, useless sister, and one fucking nutjob of a family, but why?
There's all the psycho-analisys details, psychology details, similar to what I spoke of in my last post.
It just doesn't seem to make things any better at the moment. Chasing fake trophies won't help either, I know that. If I do my best for something thats not real, whether I get it or not, i'll end up sitting right here, feeling the exact same way.

Funnily enough, from reading I have this new kind've sense about what's boring and what isn't. I discovered that this paticular group of people I hang with, are all boring. I always thought we had some kind of mutant mind disease that kept us together, and it still seems that way.
In reality it isn't, we are just boring people, who ramble about boring things, and try to make them sound better than they actually are.
We are in denial, and half of us don't even know it.
This morning I woke up feeling, not energetic, but the most enthused about the interview today than any other time I have experienced.
That was when I decided to help Kat out and get her from whitfords.
This changed todays event's drastically, and the way everything went.
I probably could have done better if I just remained focused on what is important, like my learning, but... I just.. didn't. When I picked kat up I felt myself get pulled into the boring and ever relentless desire and whatever else you wanna call it. I don't blame her, it was just the way I reacted to the situation.
It didn't help that Cheyanne was sickish this morning, it sounded awefully familiar to the random crappiness I felt when I would go over to hers for the night. We would go to bed, and suddenly I would get the foggiest headache, a blocked nose, and my energy would be sucked dry, until I got up in the morning and went outside.
The reason? well I put it to hidden feelings of supression, or just some stupid sickness that likes to come out every now and then.
Either way, Chey said she would just skip her first lecture, then I proceeded to ring up my interviewer, and make it for a later time. That was when Kat asked me to pick her up from whitfords (it was rather stormy this morning too) I figured that Chey would be wanting to go to uni after a while, so I could drop her off at the traino, get kat, study for a bit then do the interview. My plans got changed again when Chey decided not to go at all. Again, I don't blame anyone for the way everything went, it was the way I reacted that made the horrible conclusion, which is now.

So, I dropped them both at Cheys, then came home and got ready for my interview, got to the place and felt fairly confident. The bastard couldn't help but yabber on and on! Interviews are meant to be question orientated, was he put off by my presence? People are fucking retarded. I asked a few question, and I felt interested and enthused to try and impress him, and I may have a bit, whether it was better than someone else, I don't know.
I fucking hope that whoever else they interviewed gets on a plane, and that plane crashes, so I can get the job. My life is more important than theirs.
Don't worry, I was being sarcastic, but I really want this job.
So now, I am at home, feeling quite unhappy, and I played games with myself until I would be too late to tafe, which would result in me not going. I fretted over being in the state I was with those people.

It's nothing as well, Chey pointed that out, and shes always right. She knows it too. god that woman amazes me!
But I didn't listen, I didn't want to. Now i'm paying the price for my idiotic action.
So, until next time, you freaks!