Likes new toys

I have had time to contemplate what I really want. Now exams are over I have almost nothing to stress about, and what I find idiotic is how easily I can make up new stress when there wasn't anything there to begin with. I used to believe that everything that happens is a direct response to a persons idiocy, rather now I realize that it's not always easy to make the best decision every time you need to make one.
I bought my new laptop today, which I am incredibly happy with, however I was offered an extra year of warranty which would include replacement of any parts that might break. Obviously this is pretty good, considering now if something does break over the next 2 years It will be replaced, however that's highly unlikely. It's quite rare with the luck i have, and with the caliber of the laptop I have.

So, I could say I was an idiot for paying an extra 130 bucks for warranty that probably wont come in use, which makes things more difficult because I now have that much less money, to spend on other things I need.
I think that's the way I'm looking at it, however as i said before, if something does break, I am covered.. at least I don't have to worry about a new laptop for the years to come.

In a more deeper topic, mostly relevant to my last post; yesterday changed my whole outlook on the very bleak and painful subject.
I came to a point where I was in shock, and quickly I began to deny the ache I was feeling, more words were said which confirmed what I had been wondering.
And I went silent, I noticed the flush of degenerative thoughts flood my mind and zap my energy. And I confided in a friend much later. Details aren't so important, but the end outcome is what I find the most rewarding. Acceptance.

I have been practicing a prayer of compassion on my own without the guidance that I would usually need, and the benefit is astounding, after just 2 meditations of this powerful prayer is dissolving all the negative karma I might have accumulated in this life or previous lives, if any.
The more I do it, and the more I stick to my diet, exercise and herbal treatment along with meditation, the clearer I get. My guard drops to reveal a compassionate being I never knew existed, any previous training I ever had comes close to the nature I am beginning to reveal.

I begin to notice the nature of my words, I realized that my mind is obscured from that of a individual who ever dropped into the hole. Or perhaps known as 'chapel perilous' , whatever it is, some people appear to cruise through it, some of us get a bit lost and confused along the way, and sink into this rabbit hole. And we get to see just how deep it can go. It's like a never ending pit of agony. And sometimes, it feels as if every situation is an antagonist.

And when you venture out and appear at the nature of reality, things aren't quite the same as they were, however it can be managed. Acceptance is the key, and here there is no room for judgements. Acts of imperialistic nature demoralize the wicked but beautiful at heart. Which in turn creates a vicious cycle of self inflicted punishment. One judgement from one person can turn someones day into a nightmare. With that considered, I believe now more than ever that the path to freedom and a life of holistic nature overthrows that of egotistical ruling and it's system of power and greed to be at the top.

My herbal treatment is incredible, mixed with flower essences along with herbs like schisandra, licorice and skullcap.. I can feel a balance approaching. I am still far off, I expect to be on this same treatment for many months, maybe even a year before I am back in tune with my central nervous system, and in terms of mental health. However it is worth it to feel better again.
It's great, even with my body and emotions willing me to go back, there's a undeniable force pushing what I really want forward, and It has so many benefits. I actually feel more integrated with myself and reality, I get what I ask for.

Its a strange feeling, and even if my words appear to be so out of touch, it does not matter. The only reason why people appear to be so organized and 'proper' is because they are so afraid of really being who they are. Pompus swine.

That's all for now.